"Confidence Cohen, Confidence"

So, judging by my 2 posts, its obviously been a successful day for procrastination.

I am pretty much the most confident person you will ever meet. JOKES!! Over the years I have been told on multiple occasions, by multiple people that I am better than I believe myself to be. As far as I am concerned I am average in every aspect of my life.

As far as my looks go, I have never really been a fan of the way I look. And I'm not going to lie, the introduction of a beautiful woman (who is apparently greatly been greatly sought and fought about over the years) enters into my ex's life mere days after we broke up, certainly didn't help those confidence levels.

But, as some may remember I began a short time ago my journey of the 'self' beginning at the level of embodiment. I tried writing poetry, but I'm fairly garbage at it, so that was quite short lived. I am tall and blonde and slender, which by societal standards is the backdrop for drop dead gorgeousness. But, I don't think I have ever thought of myself that way, nor has anyone else in my entire life. Plus I feel like that makeup is beginning to become a little passe for the definition of a gorgeous person.

Yesterday however, while riding the subway home, not thinking about anything in particular, and I looked up and caught my reflection in the subway glass. That moment was relevatory for me. All of the sudden I realized that I was beautiful. And I don't want to sound cocky or whatever at this point. Because when I say I looked beautiful I certainly don't mean in the conventional sense. I meant that all of the sudden I seemed to be ok with the fact that I am not pretty, hence I was able to see my own beauty. In that moment that I looked up at myself I look tired and sad but content, my hair was not doing anything special and my face was au naturel. But I was ok with it, for the first time in my life.

When I got home I looked in the mirror to see if this 'beauty' was still there, but it had gone. As though it was just a passing fancy across my face.