Have you ever been at a point where you really need to escape from whatever is going on? It builds up and builds up, but you've done a pretty good job at keeping your cool? I'm really good at keeping my cool about everything that's going on in my life and the shit that happens because of it on a daily basis.
Tonight, it just spilled over the top and I felt like I needed to escape out of my life for awhile. But then my realization set in, where do I escape to? The people that I used to rely on for that can't be there for me anymore, or aren't. My very best and longest friend in the entire world was really good at helping me through whatever, and I was good at helping her. It was a fairly symbiotic relationship.
Then university happened and she always needed me, which was okay, because I had someone new to rely on whenever I needed someone to be there. So I let it happen. Now I can't rely on her for that anymore. I've tried she can't really do it because she hasn't done it in so long.
Perhaps sucking it in a little more for all these years and having all my friends think I'm some type of stone lady was the wrong move. It's not that I need to rely on them either, to hold me up and get me through.
It's just that when shit like this happens, when I actually need someone because it gets to be too much, it ends up being worse because there's no one to even give me a fucking hug. And that's probably all I need.
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