Lately I have been grappling a lot with my ideas surrounding feminisms, femininity, and what it means to be a woman. I'm not sure if I necessarily agree with the things that I hear and discuss in my classes.
I am proud to be a young woman, though I don't think I have found my voice yet. My classmates often seems so sure that they have found this voice and are coming to terms with their feminisms. I don't know if this puts me behind the times, but I don't think that I'll be ale to find this voice of reason in my studies.
Education is a crucial component in the development of many ideas, but as I move forward into the next portion of my life I can't help but wonder if the ideas I've been working with for the past 4 years have been worthwhile. They have certainly given me insight into different ways of thinking, but I'm not sure how I feel about them now.
Most of the feminist thinking that I have been exposed to has been collectively oriented. Collectivity is an important aspect to any movement, however I doubt that each women in this movement is looking within. Over the last few weeks I have come to the conclusion that my femininity and femalenesss needs to fought with an decided at a very personal level. With that in mind, I have been doing a lot of thinking about how I can exist and be in life.
I have decided to begin this journey at a rather crude and haphazard level: the body. While I know this is rather cliche in within the realm of feminist and gender studies, I feel as though if I begin here I'll be able to gain a deeper meaning and understanding of my femaleness if I begin at a tangible level.
How do I plan on doing this? While I have certainly been doing a lot of thinking on the matter, I have also decided that writing will also be an effective vehicle for me to work through ideas. For most of my life I have really hated on poetry, however this has recently been eradicated as I have begun reading much more avant-garde poems. One such example of this is blueprint. One of my friends recently gave me copy of blueprint (a mag//zine type of journal). As he handed me the copy I saw that the issue was entitled: FEMININITY. I must say I was originally a little disappointed, but after having read through it, I was looking at many of the poetic stories with a new found appreciation.
I am going to try out some poetry of my own in hopes that it will bring me closer to who I am as woman. When I pluck up the courage, hopefully sooner rather than later, I'll post a poem here.
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