This week was by far my best week of the summer so far. Since another group was added there were far fewer children in my group (7). My kids were amazing. I could not have asked for a more well behaved, fun, silly group of people.
Another thing that made my week great was my coworkers. Last year holding a different position at the facility I did not have the same opportunity to interact with them as I do this year. And let me tell you, I have learned so much about this group of people it makes me feel like I hardly knew them at all last year. They are so supportive and we all work so well as a group. While groups or cliques (but not really strong cliques) have formed we are still able to work strongly together as a team.
I think this is the first week that I truly enjoyed my work this summer. I hope next week will be this good. Bring on the long weekend!!
Friday, July 29, 2011
Sunday, July 24, 2011
blissfully unaware
Last night I attended my cousins 23rd birthday party. If I had to describe her in a sentence what I would probably say is: she is a 23 year old with the lifestyle and intelligence of a 15 year old. I know this does sound harsh and the I am judging her hcore, but having known her my whole life, I would say this is an accurate assessment of her and one that many people have come up with themselves.
I am not very close with my cousin, but she is close with me. We have absolutely nothing in common other than maybe the few physical features that we share. Despite this, I am obligated to hang out with her because she is my cousin and we have a very small family. My sisters and here were always at each others necks, which left only me to befriend her and my mother at my neck to continue this lasting friendship.
So, despite the many reasons why I should not have attended this party I had to because of a number of uncontrollable factors. This birthday was particularly interesting because it was a pool party...yay!! Silly me I guess I haven't been to one of those since I was 8 so I was a tad thrown off. And pardon me, but I also thought birthday parties at that age didn't really happen anymore unless it was a milestone like 30 or 40 or 50. Irregardless, this party happened. I was planning on getting a ride there so I could drink because that's really the only way I can tolerate her friends, but at the last minute I had to drive myself (so I prepared myself for a sober sally encounter).
Now for me this birthday was extra special because I had the pleasure and enjoyment of meeting my cousin's boyfriend, John aka juju aka johnny juwelzz, aka supa gangstaaa. You get the gist. I know this is going to sound terrible but my first though when I met him was: holy moly what an ugly guy! I had seen pictures of him before, however I simply assumed that he was an unphotogenic folk like myself. He turned out to be a blithering idiot incapable of intelligent conversation. Personally I find this sad that there are people that don't want to and enjoy questioning things and thinking about why and how things are the way they are, or for that matter want to even have a conversation of substance. Last night I sat through 2 hours of conversation about celebrity couples, the latest and greatest in popular music (I also learned who Niki Manaj-- is that how you spell it? is), and the death of amy winehouse. By the end of this my brain had sufficiently turned to mush and I had to extract myself from the terrifying situation that I was witnessing before I ran out of the brain power to even drive myself home.
Now that I look back upon what I have written I feel like I'm being snobby and elitist. But I don't know if I agree that to want to think and talk about intelligent subject matter that you are snobby and elitist. My cousin and I both come from the same socioeconomic upbringing and have had access to very similar opportunities when it comes to education, moral 'raising' and so forth. So how is it that she is so content living blissfully unaware?
I am not very close with my cousin, but she is close with me. We have absolutely nothing in common other than maybe the few physical features that we share. Despite this, I am obligated to hang out with her because she is my cousin and we have a very small family. My sisters and here were always at each others necks, which left only me to befriend her and my mother at my neck to continue this lasting friendship.
So, despite the many reasons why I should not have attended this party I had to because of a number of uncontrollable factors. This birthday was particularly interesting because it was a pool party...yay!! Silly me I guess I haven't been to one of those since I was 8 so I was a tad thrown off. And pardon me, but I also thought birthday parties at that age didn't really happen anymore unless it was a milestone like 30 or 40 or 50. Irregardless, this party happened. I was planning on getting a ride there so I could drink because that's really the only way I can tolerate her friends, but at the last minute I had to drive myself (so I prepared myself for a sober sally encounter).
Now for me this birthday was extra special because I had the pleasure and enjoyment of meeting my cousin's boyfriend, John aka juju aka johnny juwelzz, aka supa gangstaaa. You get the gist. I know this is going to sound terrible but my first though when I met him was: holy moly what an ugly guy! I had seen pictures of him before, however I simply assumed that he was an unphotogenic folk like myself. He turned out to be a blithering idiot incapable of intelligent conversation. Personally I find this sad that there are people that don't want to and enjoy questioning things and thinking about why and how things are the way they are, or for that matter want to even have a conversation of substance. Last night I sat through 2 hours of conversation about celebrity couples, the latest and greatest in popular music (I also learned who Niki Manaj-- is that how you spell it? is), and the death of amy winehouse. By the end of this my brain had sufficiently turned to mush and I had to extract myself from the terrifying situation that I was witnessing before I ran out of the brain power to even drive myself home.
Now that I look back upon what I have written I feel like I'm being snobby and elitist. But I don't know if I agree that to want to think and talk about intelligent subject matter that you are snobby and elitist. My cousin and I both come from the same socioeconomic upbringing and have had access to very similar opportunities when it comes to education, moral 'raising' and so forth. So how is it that she is so content living blissfully unaware?
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
This is a repeat after me song...
I work in a day camp, and in fact have on and off since I was 16 years old. Before I ever worked with children the thought of them didn't really make me want to cry myself to sleep at night. However, all it took was one summer before I realized that I would never have children. Six years later, I think to myself what am I still doing working in a damn camp? Last summer I was the director at my camp which would have been a great job if the pay reflected the work and amount of shit that one had to deal with. Knowing that this was my last summer before finding a real job, one I would have to have for longer than 4 months, I figured what the heck I'll just work as a camp counselor one last time.
The 3rd week has not even ended yet and I'm up to my eyeballs in awfulness. I do remember not being really fond of children, but I don't seem to remember hating them quite this much. Maybe I'm getting too old to do this job.
My day begins with 10 ankle biters showing up yelling and screaming and full of energy. After they all arrive we head over to circle. At circle all of the leaders spend about 20 minutes singing at the top of their lungs "camp songs". sweet. then we play games. I love games. But half the kids never want to play so you're left with about 5 kids which is a tough number to play anything with. Then snack could not come soon enough. After that craft, in which the leaders do the crafts for the children because they are usually much too difficult for the kids to do themselves. Then there's an hour to kill before lunch, what to do? Probably head over to one of the many attractions surrounding the facility such as the frog pond or greenhouse.
Sweet lord, its finally lunch time. 30 glorious minutes without children, but then its back outside so we can get them together to go swimming. the changeroom: awesome. Swimming: best part of the day, nat. imagine getting constantly splashed in the face for a half hour straight. so fun. change, snack time, again! Then comes the best part of the day: one more hour until home time! So, you take them to the gym because its far too hot for them outside and let them run around like chickens with their heads cut off. Then after a day that seemed to last an eternity its time to send them home.
Then you leave and you know the madness will begin again in a mere 15 hours.
The 3rd week has not even ended yet and I'm up to my eyeballs in awfulness. I do remember not being really fond of children, but I don't seem to remember hating them quite this much. Maybe I'm getting too old to do this job.
My day begins with 10 ankle biters showing up yelling and screaming and full of energy. After they all arrive we head over to circle. At circle all of the leaders spend about 20 minutes singing at the top of their lungs "camp songs". sweet. then we play games. I love games. But half the kids never want to play so you're left with about 5 kids which is a tough number to play anything with. Then snack could not come soon enough. After that craft, in which the leaders do the crafts for the children because they are usually much too difficult for the kids to do themselves. Then there's an hour to kill before lunch, what to do? Probably head over to one of the many attractions surrounding the facility such as the frog pond or greenhouse.
Sweet lord, its finally lunch time. 30 glorious minutes without children, but then its back outside so we can get them together to go swimming. the changeroom: awesome. Swimming: best part of the day, nat. imagine getting constantly splashed in the face for a half hour straight. so fun. change, snack time, again! Then comes the best part of the day: one more hour until home time! So, you take them to the gym because its far too hot for them outside and let them run around like chickens with their heads cut off. Then after a day that seemed to last an eternity its time to send them home.
Then you leave and you know the madness will begin again in a mere 15 hours.
Monday, July 18, 2011
harry potter and the... (part 2 in a 2 part series)
As I already examined the Harry Potter novels I will now take a journey down movie lane. As a sat watching the final installment this past week I wondered to myself what I would think of the movies if I had never read the books. I was not able to answer that question because I felt like the viewer would be really confused.
The first 2 movies I felt stayed really true to the books, however they were the shortest novels so that was not difficult to do. The third movie unfortunately left out a huge portion of Harry's world: quiddich. As we progress through the rest of the movies we also see a definite lack of the passion (for the game) that JK insinuates throughout the novels. Harry is a quiddich player and becomes the captain of the team and wins the cup, but none of this is featured in the ways it is in the novels, which is weird because there is a lot of action to be seen in those scenes.
In the 4th movie other than the world cup, quiddich obviously goes on a small hiatus because of the triwizard tournament, but even still the excitement of the world cup is not captured in the slightest in the movie the way it is in the novel. The direction is also a little odd in this movie. Everything seems a little different. Maybe it's just simply because the novels are becoming much longer and they are forced to leave so much out.
Now the 5th and 6th movies. Oh man, were those brute. Now I must admit the 5th novel did have quite a bit of filler which could have been omitted but they left out the important stuff. The meat and potatoes, the parts that have crucial information and character development for the next part of the series. For example, Harry's huge talk with Dumbledore was cut waaay too short at the end of the 5th movie. The 6th movie barely has a plot. As my 2nd favourite book in the series I can barely stand to talk about the movie because they butchered it so badly.
The final 2 installments. Harry Potter 7 parts 1 and 2. Part 1: no complaints similarly to books 1 and 2, they pretty much hit the nail on the head as far as what happens and the plot progressed nicely. Part 2: I want to cry myself to sleep for a month. Honestly, a very poor ending to the series. They changed so much unnecessarily AND I felt they did not capture the true essence and meaning of Harry Potter at a time that it was most crucial for its followers: the end.
I've been thinking and I think I'm going to read a book then watch the movie then write so i can provide a more in depth analysis of whats going on in the world of harry potter since its much to big to sum up in a single post.
The first 2 movies I felt stayed really true to the books, however they were the shortest novels so that was not difficult to do. The third movie unfortunately left out a huge portion of Harry's world: quiddich. As we progress through the rest of the movies we also see a definite lack of the passion (for the game) that JK insinuates throughout the novels. Harry is a quiddich player and becomes the captain of the team and wins the cup, but none of this is featured in the ways it is in the novels, which is weird because there is a lot of action to be seen in those scenes.
In the 4th movie other than the world cup, quiddich obviously goes on a small hiatus because of the triwizard tournament, but even still the excitement of the world cup is not captured in the slightest in the movie the way it is in the novel. The direction is also a little odd in this movie. Everything seems a little different. Maybe it's just simply because the novels are becoming much longer and they are forced to leave so much out.
Now the 5th and 6th movies. Oh man, were those brute. Now I must admit the 5th novel did have quite a bit of filler which could have been omitted but they left out the important stuff. The meat and potatoes, the parts that have crucial information and character development for the next part of the series. For example, Harry's huge talk with Dumbledore was cut waaay too short at the end of the 5th movie. The 6th movie barely has a plot. As my 2nd favourite book in the series I can barely stand to talk about the movie because they butchered it so badly.
The final 2 installments. Harry Potter 7 parts 1 and 2. Part 1: no complaints similarly to books 1 and 2, they pretty much hit the nail on the head as far as what happens and the plot progressed nicely. Part 2: I want to cry myself to sleep for a month. Honestly, a very poor ending to the series. They changed so much unnecessarily AND I felt they did not capture the true essence and meaning of Harry Potter at a time that it was most crucial for its followers: the end.
I've been thinking and I think I'm going to read a book then watch the movie then write so i can provide a more in depth analysis of whats going on in the world of harry potter since its much to big to sum up in a single post.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
harry potter and the... (part 1 in a 2 part series)
For almost 15 years Harry Potter has been apart of the lives of us. When I say "us" I mean my generation. I first began Harry Potter and the Philosopher Stone in 1999 when my 4th grade teacher began reading it to the class. She stopped half way through and feeling gypped I continued on as a solo reader and quickly became an obsessed 9 year old child. Now, in my 22nd year and having ended my journey a few days ago, it feels like the perfect time to reflect upon Harry Potter and the... as a whole.
I shall begin with the novels. Novels 1 through 3 I felt, really played to the age that I was when I read them. Nothing too scary, lots of fantasy and in depth developed characters all with rich and varying back stories. We know by this point that she is setting us up for something and we also know that lil Voldy can't stay hidden forever feeding off of unicorns in the forbidden forest. Plus these attempts at reincarnation were rather feeble as far as old Voldy goes.
Now there is a very definitive change in between books 1-3 and 4. Not only is there about 300 more pages, but the plot thickens as Harry's nemesis (no not Draco), comes back into the living realm as a(semi) human. But whose counting really? Humans: so overrated right Voldy? Now in between books 1-3 and 4 I went on a little hiatus in which I read books 1-3 many times before continuing on to book 4. Maybe it was its daunting length and size. Maybe I couldn't handle the truth about our pal Voldemort, or maybe i feared fear itself, whatever it was, I couldn't look back. 4th book: UH-mazing. I must say, the 4th book is certainly one of my favourites. From this point onwards it was Harry Potter mania for me!!
Now, books 5 and 6 (especially 5) I found to be a little lengthy. Don't get me wrong they were fantastic reads, but in book 5 there was waaay too much filler. I mean who cares how many times Harry goes up to the owlry to pout with Hedwig? Book 7 for nostalgia purposes of course was fantastic, but not my favourite, however it contains some of my favourite single chapters that JK has ever written (aka Snapes chapter...love!). I'm not sure how I feel about Harry living though. The first time I read it, I accepted that Harry had to die. Ok Harry is dead NBD. But then poof bam, he's alive again..WHaaat?? Harry as the last horcrux? camon. lame. And I'm not even going to talk about the whole 19 years later thing because I will begin to cry again as that's what I did for a month after she ruined the end with that epilogue.
As far as the novels go, I was completely and totally in love with them and now that its all over I want to read them again. If you've never read them, and you belong to the 16-27 age bracket shame on you. Stay tuned for part 2: the movies!
I shall begin with the novels. Novels 1 through 3 I felt, really played to the age that I was when I read them. Nothing too scary, lots of fantasy and in depth developed characters all with rich and varying back stories. We know by this point that she is setting us up for something and we also know that lil Voldy can't stay hidden forever feeding off of unicorns in the forbidden forest. Plus these attempts at reincarnation were rather feeble as far as old Voldy goes.
Now there is a very definitive change in between books 1-3 and 4. Not only is there about 300 more pages, but the plot thickens as Harry's nemesis (no not Draco), comes back into the living realm as a(semi) human. But whose counting really? Humans: so overrated right Voldy? Now in between books 1-3 and 4 I went on a little hiatus in which I read books 1-3 many times before continuing on to book 4. Maybe it was its daunting length and size. Maybe I couldn't handle the truth about our pal Voldemort, or maybe i feared fear itself, whatever it was, I couldn't look back. 4th book: UH-mazing. I must say, the 4th book is certainly one of my favourites. From this point onwards it was Harry Potter mania for me!!
Now, books 5 and 6 (especially 5) I found to be a little lengthy. Don't get me wrong they were fantastic reads, but in book 5 there was waaay too much filler. I mean who cares how many times Harry goes up to the owlry to pout with Hedwig? Book 7 for nostalgia purposes of course was fantastic, but not my favourite, however it contains some of my favourite single chapters that JK has ever written (aka Snapes chapter...love!). I'm not sure how I feel about Harry living though. The first time I read it, I accepted that Harry had to die. Ok Harry is dead NBD. But then poof bam, he's alive again..WHaaat?? Harry as the last horcrux? camon. lame. And I'm not even going to talk about the whole 19 years later thing because I will begin to cry again as that's what I did for a month after she ruined the end with that epilogue.
As far as the novels go, I was completely and totally in love with them and now that its all over I want to read them again. If you've never read them, and you belong to the 16-27 age bracket shame on you. Stay tuned for part 2: the movies!
Saturday, July 16, 2011
fired from the best job I ever had
While my title may indicate that I held a position at a particularly desirable place of employment, paid work is not what I am referring to. I was recently let go from the person that means the most to me in the world. The entire process has been difficult as I try and figure out what went wrong. The reason that I was given was that we simply drifted apart. And while I do agree that we did drift apart, what seems to be on my mind most is the things that I did this year that could have increased or aided the drift. And also, what kind of drift is too long to reverse?
It makes me sad that you were ready to move on without even giving drifting back together a try, especially when we were happy for such a long time. When I was told that you were unhappy I knew that I needed to let go since happy was the only way I wanted you to be. What did scare me a little though, was that I never knew how you felt, which is bugging me now because I always thought you were happy. So, your acting must be quite good. I also always believed us to be excellent communicators. I don't know, maybe I'm just confused about how someone doesn't know if they're not happy.
Anyway, getting back to my life this year. I feel like this year I really tried to immerse myself in various things because living at home was really beginning to take its toll. So, I went and got a job and buried myself in school and this is what I think might have been the beginning of it all. I withdrew because I did not have anyone to talk to about this. I couldn't say anything to you, it was your first time living alone without support and you were stressed and confused, and I needed to be there for you. You needed me more than I needed you, or so I thought. None of this helped and I know its my fault for not speaking up at the time.
In this entire fiasco, I began to get hostile about certain things that now that I think about seem almost meaningless. Such as, owning a house and mortgages and living in a van and walking and school and money and food and well, pretty much everything. Who the fuck cares if you own a house? Now that I really lay it on the table, I know its not me. But for some reason, I lashed out about that. I also lashed out about things like travel. I have been saving to travel since I have been about 17 years old and until I met you, I did not know where I wanted to end up going. When I met you and we talked about where we could go, I knew that was what I wanted. Now, again, I don't know where I want to go because it wouldn't be North America without you.
I don't know, I just feel lost and confused because I don't know how we can't make this work and how you have so little faith in us after such a long time. I think we just need to talk through a lot of this stuff (like what we want in our lives right now) rather than give up, but ultimately I just want you to be happy. And I guess you believe that that will be achieved without trying to be happy with me again. Clearly I still have a lot to think about and work through on my own because you're going to be a hard one to get over.
It makes me sad that you were ready to move on without even giving drifting back together a try, especially when we were happy for such a long time. When I was told that you were unhappy I knew that I needed to let go since happy was the only way I wanted you to be. What did scare me a little though, was that I never knew how you felt, which is bugging me now because I always thought you were happy. So, your acting must be quite good. I also always believed us to be excellent communicators. I don't know, maybe I'm just confused about how someone doesn't know if they're not happy.
Anyway, getting back to my life this year. I feel like this year I really tried to immerse myself in various things because living at home was really beginning to take its toll. So, I went and got a job and buried myself in school and this is what I think might have been the beginning of it all. I withdrew because I did not have anyone to talk to about this. I couldn't say anything to you, it was your first time living alone without support and you were stressed and confused, and I needed to be there for you. You needed me more than I needed you, or so I thought. None of this helped and I know its my fault for not speaking up at the time.
In this entire fiasco, I began to get hostile about certain things that now that I think about seem almost meaningless. Such as, owning a house and mortgages and living in a van and walking and school and money and food and well, pretty much everything. Who the fuck cares if you own a house? Now that I really lay it on the table, I know its not me. But for some reason, I lashed out about that. I also lashed out about things like travel. I have been saving to travel since I have been about 17 years old and until I met you, I did not know where I wanted to end up going. When I met you and we talked about where we could go, I knew that was what I wanted. Now, again, I don't know where I want to go because it wouldn't be North America without you.
I don't know, I just feel lost and confused because I don't know how we can't make this work and how you have so little faith in us after such a long time. I think we just need to talk through a lot of this stuff (like what we want in our lives right now) rather than give up, but ultimately I just want you to be happy. And I guess you believe that that will be achieved without trying to be happy with me again. Clearly I still have a lot to think about and work through on my own because you're going to be a hard one to get over.
the beginning
welcome, to those of you who stumble upon my blog, which is likely nobody since space is vast and I am a single being functioning in this world wide web. I began this blog a few years back thinking that it would be fun to blog. And it was, for about two days. My previous entries have since been deleted and I plan to begin anew, hopefully successfully this time. The reason that I have chosen to begin (re)blogging is because of a recent event that has left me with ample amounts of time on my hands. aka: i was "let go" from a relationship. Hopefully, I can just jot some thoughts down here where I can then send them off into a magical land where they won't have to be saved to my computer.
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