newness

Hello wonderful people.  I don't think anyone is really reading this anymore, but if anyone is and would like to actually read new shit, I will direct you to the place that I am currently sharing cool(ish)? things.

http://foodsexmusicrepeat.tumblr.com

you should go there.  its not bad.  try the recipes, read the posts, maybe you'll smile or be gastronomically pleased.

MIA

I've been MIA... I'm quite sick.... I'll be back later when I'm not so sick.

Question #2

At the most I’m a glare,
I’m the hopeless son who’s hardly there.
I’m the open sign that’s always busted.
I’m the friend you need, but can’t be trusted.

HOW DO YOU EXPRESS FEELINGS THAT YOU'RE AFRAID OF?

No but actually, how do you? Right now I am currently struggling with this. Its not easy to say out loud things that you feel at the best of times, so when you're scared shitless of them, what do you do?

Lets back up a second and have me grow a pair and let you in on the feeling that I'm currently avoiding: LOVE. Yes the big 4 letter, charged L-word. It was recently dropped upon me, and it took all my control to not sprint as fast as I could in the other direction, because who wants to deal with that, right?

But the problem is not that I'm not feeling those feelings too, but rather if I say them out loud to the person that should hear them, I've now opened myself up to be bashed around and if chosen to be have them used against me. Last time I felt those feelings and shared them, there was some major backfiring-- and it took a long time to get through it, so I'm not about to put myself in that situation again... kind of like a fool me once type of situation...

And I am terrified beyond reason that I'm having these thoughts and feelings, because already without telling the person I can, I am vulnerable, even if its only in my head. But maybe the fact that its already in your head, makes you just as vulnerable.

Perhaps simply because something happened to you before, doesn't mean that it has to happen again, and you just have to believe and take a chance on the feelings going on. And if the other person has already expressed the feelings maybe that's enough to mitigate those fears.

Expression of feeling only comes when one is ready I think, so since I seem to be afraid of them like none other, I suppose it means I'm not ready. This question was very poorly answered. I will get better.... or ya'll can give it a stab.

And its not often that I get this way

Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands up in the air.

Why is this something I have to hide from those that are supposed to care about me most?

Because they're not there by choice. They're there because of nature.

Your friends are there because they want to be. And they'll support you through the difference.

You often worry me. Sometimes I just don't know what to do with you... but if things keep going the way they are I'll be ready to drop the L-bomb right back on you, soon.

We have very different lives.

Peeking Pete.

Sometimes I feel like just laying there.

I stand at the sink. The water flows over my hands. Its warm, and it feels nice. I close my eyes. I am so sick. You come up behind me and rub my back. It feels good to be taken care of.

I close my eyes now. I can hear the click and clack of the keyboard as I type. The house is quiet.

The walls are white. Too white. It's starting to become depressing.

I know I can count on you.

100km/hr winds.

Bumblebees everywhere, right before fall.

Wined and dined like never before.

And I'm not sure what 'that' is.

You've got the love I need to see me through.

BUSY BEE

I thought I was busy before. I was foolishly kidding myself. I did not even know what busy was.

3 small little tiny words that send many running for the hills. I need to pull myself together so I don't go heading for the hills, and can hopefully say them too with time.

I never waste words with feelings times.

Florence

Yes this song is here for a purpose. You're the purpose that its here. Be glad. I'm glad.

There's a drumming noise inside my head
That starts when you're around
I swear that you could hear it
It makes such an almighty sound

There's a drumming noise inside my head
That throws me to the ground
I swear that you could hear it
It makes such an almighty sound

Louder than sirens
Louder than bells
Sweeter than heaven
And hotter than hell

I ran to a tower where the church bells chime
I hoped that they would clear my mind
They left a ringing in my ears
But that drum's still beating loud and clear

Louder than sirens
Louder than bells
Sweeter than heaven
And hotter than hell

Louder than sirens
Louder than bells
Sweeter than heaven
And hotter than hell

Louder than sirens
Louder than bells
Sweeter than heaven
And hotter than hell

As I move my feet towards your body
I can hear this beat it fills my head up
And gets louder and louder
It fills my head up and gets louder and louder

I run to the river and dive straight in
I pray that the water will drown out the din
But as the water fills my mouth
It couldn't wash the echoes out
But as the water fills my mouth
It couldn't wash the echoes out

I swallow the sound and it swallows me whole
Till there's nothing left inside my soul
As empty as that beating drum
But the sound has just begun

As I move my feet towards your body
I can hear this beat it fills my head up
And gets louder and louder
It fills my head up and gets louder and louder

There's a drumming noise inside my head
That starts when you're around
I swear that you could hear it
It makes such an almighty sound

There's a drumming noise inside my head
That starts when you're around
I swear that you could hear it
It makes such an all mighty sound

Louder than sirens
Louder than bells
Sweeter than heaven
And hotter than hell

Louder than sirens
Louder than bells
Sweeter than heaven
And hotter than hell

As I move my feet towards your body
I can hear this beat it fills my head up
And gets louder and louder
It fills my head up and gets louder and louder

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=boo2Zm69fhY

Enjoy Drumming Song.

You Always Leave Enough Batter to Lick the Bowl

It has been a good, albeit busy week.

CS-ers coming and going.

Invading my room. Cock-blocking.

Maybe a little break of them is in order, so I can go ahead and have my personal life for awhile.

I do really love showing people my beautiful city.

A city within a park.

Thursday nights are going to be killer.

Gossip and arts all around. That's what it'll be.

C and L would be so cayute togeths. I'm going to tell her that next week. I think she already likes him anyway.

Why are people such pretentious assholes sometimes?

Why are parents such assholes most of the time?

Okay, I get it. Until I talk to you about shit, I'm getting nothing out of you. Fair isn't always equal.

Why, what a lovely gourd basket you have! Oh thanks, I made it myself...nbd... Lets take a pic with it. We'll present the gourds.

MAN, good times so far in the kitchen!

Question #1

What is a common misconception that people have about you?

I think that this question is a really important one to answer, and answer truthfully for that matter. And while people often hold many misconceptions about people, there are deeply rooted misconceptions that tend to follow us around wherever we go. If you were to look at me as person, a common misconception could be that I'm a 'blonde'. Just by looking at me (without me even opening my mouth), people will form ideas about who I am and the type of person I am going to be once I do speak.

But I digress. I am carefully inching my way away from the question that I have posed. Probably because I don't want to answer it. But I think that's the point of the exercise, is it not? To face questions that you don't want to answer or think about so you become a stronger person?

I think the most common misconception about me (by people who actually know me), is that I am very happy-go-lucky. I have found in the past, if you act happy, it's easier to actually be happy, but it doesn't always mean you feel that way. I am not one, nor have I ever been one to open up about emotions; other than the obvious few that are very easy to convey, such as happiness, anger, confusion, and frustration. That being said, playing 'happy' I always find the easiest. I have been told I have a great smile, and I use that to my advantage, when advantageous. Very, VERY few people can see through my exterior emotion and assume that all is well.

This is okay for me, because as I said I don't open up. I feel though as I get older, and develop different relationships, and stronger ties with my friends, it becomes harder. It becomes harder sometimes to pretend that all is well in the proverbial 'paradise.' The need to unload sometimes becomes really strong, but because of this misconception that exists (or in my case, I have been assisting in existing), it's impossible to deviate. I say this because now that this idea exists about you, you have to be that much braver and stronger to divulge.

Where do you start? Do you start with your most trusted of friends, or do you lay low and stick to someone who doesn't know you as well or feel like your heart-to-heart is coming out of left field? Maybe it's okay to let the misconception go on existing... Maybe that's the point of misconceptions. You don't have to face them if you don't want to, right? Or should we try to face them because they are often reinforcing stereotypes and hindering our relationships?

I'm not sure... Perhaps you have the answers. I am more than intrigued to hear what other people think... Aaand what are some misconceptions that people have about you? Maybe here is the place to talk them through...

Newness Again

After a little bit of thought I have decided to shuffle around my blog a little bit. Since I want to be more reflective and honest about my thoughts (not out loud of course), I think I'm going to take the opportunity to do it here, where nobody I know can find me. So, I will be posting a bunch of questions and over the course of my posts answering them one by one.

I will still be sure to include a pic along with every post and still occasionally post a slew of randomness like I tend to do. So I don't go too over the deep end, I'll begin by sticking to the same old, same old.

Should be packing right now. I'm moving tomorrow and am nowhere near done what I should be. But breaks are good.

I miss those ballin days. I think if I can man up I might do something about it.

My brows need some lovin.

You get home on Sunday!! I'm unreasonably excited, even though you were off on an amazing trip!!

I had to give my pylon a traveling bath. So he's all ready for his new home.

Salamander.

Maychance I should bring my robe along.

Thangk you... never thought to spell it that way, perhaps it makes sense.

A place of mind.

Its odd by reading what someone has written how well you can know them... or find out that you don't know them at all.

Power return.

So many requests, so little space.

I do like my own space once in awhile.

So I can't help everyone.

In summary,

My General Feeling Towards E-readers...

I also have an organized rant I need to go on.... I will when I get a free moment.