sex, DRUGS, and rock and roll (part 2 of 3)

For the drugs portion of my series, I simply intend to go on a rant.

I am not sure about how drug policy is laid out in other countries other than Canada, but here over the past few years the crime rate (with regard to drugs) has increased. My theory is not that more people are using drugs, but the government has simply decided to reprimand the use of these "illicit substances" more strictly.

What makes me especially disappointed about this whole exercise is many people are being punished for the use (and carrying) of drugs such as marijuana, but drugs such as (but certainly not limited to) the numerous (often hastily tested) pharmaceutical drugs that emerge every year in the market and alcohol (which is responsible for numerous deaths every year due to instances ranging from drunk driving to spousal abuse.

Don't get me wrong I certainly am not opposed to alcohol, as I certainly drink on a somewhat regular basis. And I am grateful for many drugs that have been brought about by the pharmaceutical industry, as they aren't all sketchy and under-tested. I do have a problem with drugs such as weed getting vilified to the 'nth degree when its affects are not dangerous in the least in comparison to many of the drugs being offered by Pfizer or Roche or Astra Zeneca or whoever.

I'm sure everyone has seen//(heard) a commercial or advertisement in a magazine for some form of depression medication. The list of side effects is often so lengthy it seems to outweigh the advertised "positive" effects. This summer my sister was using the drug called Accutane. Accutane is a acne drug patented by the pharmaceutical company Roche, with side effects ranging from dry skin to severe depression and birth defects. As I read through the numerous side effects I noticed that beside each pill that she was to take there was a small symbol. Upon its inspection I noticed that it was a woman who was pregnant with and "X" across her.

I questioned my sister about this and she said: "oh yeah, they are really intense about that. You have to be on birth control and using at least one other form of birth control because if you get pregnant, you're baby has a 90-something % chance of being all messed up." Then I asked her if she was okay with putting this drug into her body knowing this piece of information.

This drug has such an effect on your body, it is too toxic to even house a baby. So, drugs like this are readily available to those that suffer from severe acne, but medicinal marijuana is so controlled, cancer, MS, and many other patients in huge amounts of pain have to go to the greatest lengths humanly possible to acquire it just to ease their pain.

I don't get it. I feel as though this is all so clear. Drugs that are not harmful for the body should not be restricted to the public. Perhaps once again, similarly to the sex portion of this shindake it all comes down to fear mongering and education. Imagine if people didn't trust their government so much and they all weren't in bed together. But for this to change, the government will have to get out of bed with the pharmaceutical industry or at least assert some form of authority, but that will never happen.

Maybe next Christmas

Happy Christmas to all. I know its almost midnight, which means Christmas is essentially over, but its still hanging on for at least another 50 minutes. However, for me this year it didn't feel like Christmas at all.

For the past 5 years, Christmas has been a little wonky due to university. Exams end at various times, everyone is super busy, things get scheduled when they can, but in the end it has always felt like Christmas eventually (even the years we spent in Florida!). This year my sisters, my friends and I had more scheduled than any other year before from parties to skating to holiday drinks to dinner to movies to baking to well, the list goes on for miles.

Today was Christmas and of all days for it to feel like Christmas, it still didn't. This has never happened to me before, and I have no idea why its happened this year. Nothing was different, we did all of our normal Christmas things, but there might as well have not been a Christmas this year, because I feel like somehow I missed it.

I'm trying to think about what would have made me feel this way, but for the most part I'm lost for ideas. My one theory, though I'm quite sure isn't the case has to do with my fam. Lately we've been a lot worse than usual, and maybe that played a part in it not feeling like Christmas. However, when I went all 3rd degree on my sisters with my query (of lack of Christmas feel) my youngest sis didn't agree at all and my middle sis only slightly agreed.

I also toyed with the fact that I am getting older might be playing into this feeling, but quickly dismissed it. If anything my love of Christmas has grown over the years and it was certainly larger than ever this year. I don't think I'm doing a very good job of articulating my lack of Christmas as its only something I can feel... I hope that any and all those that stumble upon this posting had a wonderful Christmas full of cheer. I guess I'll have to wait until next Christmas... maybe this way it'll be twice as good!!

SEX, drugs, and rock and roll (part 1 in a 3 part series)

As you were probably able to discern from the title, today in my sex, drugs and rock and roll series I will be talking about sex.

Sex, what a wonderful thing to have. Awhile ago (perhaps about a month and a half or so) I got rid of my fuck-buddy, mostly because he was annoying my brains out and I couldn't really deal with his personality any longer. At the time it seemed like a rather good idea to get rid of him, because he was annoying and not even very good at sex anyway. But now that I don't have someone to fuck, I realize when I have some free time, I would really like to find someone new to engage in sexual tomfoolery with. As I do quite miss having mindbendingly good sex (which I haven't had in a number of months).

But I am completely digressing. I wanted to talk about sex more on a cultural level than a personal one. Why is sex such a talked about subject and often so taboo? The fact that I had a "fuck buddy," felt that I was the one controlling the situation, and am female, in itself speaks to the ways in which our society functions around this phenomenon.

Men are supposed to have casual sexual partners (which they are in control of), and the females are the "sluts" that sleep around with them. Obviously the harsh stereotypes about women who engage in sex purely for pleasure purposes are not as strong as they once were, but even people like my mother are in denial about this type of behavior.

My mother touts herself as being very liberal (she's not at all). But many people who share similar views as her would also label themselves as "liberal." A few weeks back I was on the subway with my mother and she made a comment about a young couple (the kids were probably 15 or so), saying that they have to experience everything so young. And I indulged, and asked: "like what?" Her reply: "boyfriends and sex." I counteracted her with: "well whats wrong with those experiences? There is no age limit on when you can have those experiences." Mom: "People that age will end up pregnant because they don't understand the consequences of their actions." The conversation went on where I tried to convince her otherwise, but I'll just paragraphize my thoughts//argument below.

While I do agree with my mother, that many studies have shown that on average those under the age of 18 do not have an as firm a grasp upon the consequences of their actions, I disagree about experience. I do not think that there is anything wrong with someone at the age of 15 or 14 or whatever finding someone they would like to be close with of the opposite sex. What I do feel is the problem however is the need to sugarcoat and fear monger on sexual topics. Education is at the root of the problem. When I was in high school (mind you it was a number of years ago, but according to my youngest sister, its still the same), health education was abysmal. They taught what they did not refer to as abstinence-only education, but it might as well could have been called that.

There was an anonymous question box (a good idea), that often got filled with stupid questions like asking the teacher if she's actually sleeping with another faculty member (o0oo00o, are the rumours true?). We were never taught that sex was fun, and our teacher certainly never told us that she enjoyed sex, and ultimately, I think that might have been the first step to opening up the discussion about sex, and gender power within sexual relationships.

Because there is a reason why, when a women has a casual sexual partner, she is never believed to be the one in control of the situation (maybe equal to, but never above the control of the male). If we gave youth the power and answers they want, their knowledge can produce relationships where there is equality and hasty and uninformed decisions aren't made. As they grow into young adults, like I now am, the authenticity of their situations may not be questioned as hastily.

Since I felt very in control of my sexual situation, and unloaded my "fuck buddy" from my life, instead of being labelled a strong and self-actualizing person, I become the bitch. A male does the exact same thing and the female is also blamed, because she should have known what she was getting herself into when she got in bed with that kind of man. Ultimately, I think sex comes down to gender roles and the ways in which they are accepted and taught within our society, which is seldom ever never.

That being said however, there is no reason why you can't have a loving relationship with lots of fun sex, in which gender roles are almost* equal, because afterall, sex is awesome!

And so it is, just like you said it would be

I am beginning to realize that the mind can't change what the heart wants...

Holiday Cheer

I love my friends. They are awesome. Yesterday I was feeling really ewwie about this whole party thing. In fact I was right up until it began, but I'm really glad I did it. I had so much fun. my friends are just fantastic. they help you realize how youre not alone and its cool and theyre there for ya and they drink with ya and they chill with ya and you know?

Also everything I made tonight=== huge hit 5 million. What excellent friends. I guess thats all. I should go an sip some water now.

In an awake state of affairs

My dog has really soft ears. The most soft EVA in fact. She also has quite sharp teeth, and doesn't know how to properly use them when she plays.

I almost fell asleep while I was driving today.

OTH= better than I expected, and not that bad.

Chocolate mini-wheats are the best mini-wheats. (I think I may have mentioned this before)

Who knew that driving somewhere could make you nervous beyond reason, and send you into a mini panic spiral?

A lot of the time I don't like to sleep because I can't control my dreams and things happen in them that I don't like. At least when I'm awake I can control my thoughts.

Christmas lights are wicked cool.

Can't people just make sure they're clean shaven? It's kinda sketchy when you're not.

I'm having a party tomorrow and I couldn't really give a shit.

I had the worst evening.

I'm breaking down a little right now...

In 4 months, shits gettin real.

Whether or not you meant to hurt me doesn't matter, because in the end, it hurts just the same.

That hair was attached.

Blue Bear and Klappar are my hommies.

If you knew why I asked you for a body pillow, I'm not sure what you would think of my answer.

I am tired beyond reason, but I know as soon as I close my computer I won't be able to sleep.

It has taken me over 25 minutes to write this post and I haven't even said anything....

Until You're Resting here with me

The head lays on the pillow, as still as ever. Unless You looked very closely and knew her very well, you'd think she was asleep. Then the tears fall.

Sometimes slowly and for a long time, sometimes quickly for mere moments almost as though it didn't happen. She can't control it anymore.

It used to be easy. A lot used to be easy. It used to be easy for her to not let the tears fall, creating a salty river across her pillow. The salty river that leads to a place that she doesn't know or want to understand yet. Until she understands, the salty river will continue to flow out of her control.

karma coma

I'm not big on the whole karma thing. And I'm particularly not invested in the whole religion thing, but tonight coincidence or not, karma or not, I had an evening from hell. Who knows, maybe I deserved it, maybe it was the price I had to pay...

Peacefully Slumbering

Sometimes I wish I would walk up and it would all have just been a dream. But what all? All this shit? All this time? All what time? Do I mean the last 6 months, the last year, the last 5 years, my whole life?

And what would happen when I woke up from this dream? Would my life be the way it was 2 or 5 or 10 years ago? How do we even know if we aren't dreaming it all anyway, living in our safe little orbs like in the Matrix?

I feel that maybe if that were the case, life might seem a little easier than it is sometimes. Things like loneliness and confusion and sadness and desire and exhaustion wouldn't be real. Maybe that would be better, or at least okay.

A Bandaid to cover the bullet wound

It would be really awesome to be beautiful and fun and sexy and smart and social, but I'm not, so I guess I've got to learn to live with it.

25% of the population is described as introverted. The more I think about it, the more I think I often act extroverted because it's what's expected of me. Afterall, aren't tall blondes supposed to have bubbly personalities?

I have become an exceptional actress.

It would be really awesome if I could have what I want, but I can't, so I guess I've got to learn to live with it.

My family is pretty fucked up, more so now than ever before.

3:13, the king of time.

Today Annie chomped my leg and arm, but she was playing. I don't really trust her very much.

It would be really awesome if I knew how to deal, but I don't, so I guess I've got to learn to live with it.

I have never been more bored with school than I was this past semester.

I still have that crush on that girl (who I thought was a lesbian, but turns out is not).

11:11 make a wish

Why do we always notice those times anyway? Like 11:11, 3:13, 12:34...

It would be really awesome to have Christmas the way I imagine it in my head, but I can't, so I guess I've got to learn to live with it.

Sometimes you can find comfort in the weirdest things.

I am eternally grateful for a friend I never thought I would talk to about certain things. I have known this person for years and years and I never expected the kindness that I received from them.

Why is it 12:17 and I'm sitting here writing about nothing, to no one?

It would be really awesome to wake up and it all to have been a dream, but it won't have been, so I guess I've got to learn to live with it.

The cancer rate is now 1 in 3.

I miss a lot of things I know I probably shouldn't.

Most of the time I don't know what day of the week it is, and it takes me awhile to figure it out.

I wish I still (truly) smiled at the frequency that I used to.

My friends brother who recently got married is going to be having a baby with his wife. He's only two years older than us. It makes me feel old and immature.

One of my best friends has also said that she would also be cool with getting married in the next couple of years.

It would be really awesome if I knew that things wouldn't be lonely forever, but I can't, so I guess I've got to learn to live with it.

Just because I live in Canada does not mean I like hockey or skating.

FUCK.

I got skype but I really suck at using it, so sometimes I practise with my sister, so when I go away and actually have to use it, I'll know how.

I know... How can someone not be able to figure out skype, its pretty much the easiest program available.

Braining these days is often hard and I feel like it's a little mushy up there.

It would be really awesome...............................so I guess I've got to learn to live with it.

baby seal

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-pacific-16190359

It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighbourhood

Dr Mr Rogers,

I hope you strangle yourself with you're own stupid shoelaces. Nobody wears trainers inside anymore. Very passe.



Okay
Adjective: all right; proceeding normally; satisfactory or under control.



For someone who has forgotten the meaning of the word, I use it a hell of a lot.

Foreplay Longtime

It's been such a long time
I think I should be goin', yeah
And time doesn't wait for me, it keeps on rollin'
Sail on, on a distant highway
I've got to keep on chasin' a dream
I've gotta be on my way
Wish there was something I could say.


Well I'm takin' my time, I'm just movin' along
You'll forget about me after I've been gone
And I take what I find, I don't want no more
It's just outside of your front door.


It's been such a long time. It's been such a long time.

Well I get so lonely when I am without you
But in my mind, deep in my mind,
I can't forget about you
Good times, and faces that remind me
I'm tryin' to forget your name and leave it all behind me
You're comin' back to find me.


Well I'm takin' my time, I'm just movin' along
You'll forget about me after I've been gone
And I take what I find, I don't want no more
It's just outside of your front door.


It's been such a long time. It's been such a long time.

Yeah. It's been such a long time, I think I should be goin', yeah
And time doesn't wait for me, it keeps on rollin'
There's a long road, I've gotta stay in time with
I've got to keep on chasin' that dream, though I may never find it
I'm always just behind it.

Well I'm takin' my time, I'm just movin' along
Takin' my time, just movin' along
Takin' my time, yeah I'm takin' my time...

All I want for Christmas is you

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There's just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is...
You

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There's just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I don't need to hang my stocking
There upon the fireplace
Santa Claus won't make me happy
With a toy on Christmas day
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you
You baby

I won't ask for much this Christmas
I don't even wish for snow
I'm just gonna keep on waiting
Underneath the mistletoe
I won't make a list and send it
To the North Pole for Saint Nick
I won't even stay awake to
Hear those magic reindeers click
'Cause I just want you here tonight
Holding on to me so tight
What more can I do
Baby all I want for Christmas is you
Ooh baby
All the lights are shining
So brightly everywhere
And the sound of children's
Laughter fills the air
And everyone is singing
I hear those sleigh bells ringing
Santa won't you bring me the one I really need
Won't you please bring my baby to me...

Oh I don't want a lot for Christmas
This is all I'm asking for
I just want to see my baby
Standing right outside my door
Oh I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
Baby all I want for Christmas is...
You

All I want for Christmas is you

This reminds me of first year with Lanza in between classes... I can't listen to this song without jumping around and dancing all over my room, which is what I just did...

Also instead of a pic, I will provide you with a link instead: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXQViqx6GMY

Probably because of Central Limit Theorum

Ok, so you need to set up a method for a research question. Just follow these steps:

1. Don't panic.
2. State any hypotheses
3. Figure out the sampling design to use
4. Chill out, you probably chose the right sampling design
5. Gather a sample size and explain why its the size it is
6. Hypothesis testing:
- state (>,>,=, etc)
- select test
- choose significance levels and justify them
- talk about rejection regions (draw out if necessary)
- calculate the test stat
- compare (reject/ fail to reject)
7. Conclude
8. Breathe, its over.

This is one of the many things I wrote on my cheat sheet for today. Hopefully I rock this exam that's worth 45% of my final grade...

Here is a pleasing picture to make stats seem more bearable.

Buddy the Elf

This weekend its Elf weekend!! I love Elf, its such a pleasing christmas movie. If you have never seen it and have access to it, shame is cast upon your whole family. Jokes. But actually, I highly recommend it. I will share some super amazing//hilarious//memorable quotes here:

Buddy: The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.
Jovie: Thanks, but I don't sing.
Buddy: Oh, well, it's just like talking, except longer and louder, and you move your voice up and down.

Buddy: We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup.

Finch: No tomatoes. Too vulnerable. Kids, they're already vulnerable.

Buddy: Wow, you're fast. I'm glad I caught up to you. I waited 5 hours for you. Why is your coat so big? So, good news - I saw a dog today. Have you seen a dog? You probably have. How was school? Was it fun? Did you get a lot of homework? Huh? Do you have any friends? Do you have a best friend? Does he have a big coat, too?...

Buddy: You sit on a throne of lies.

Buddy: SANTA! OH MY GOD! SANTA'S COMING! I KNOW HIM! I KNOW HIM!

Buddy: First we'll make snow angels for a two hours, then we'll go ice skating, then we'll eat a whole roll of Tollhouse Cookiedough as fast as we can, and then we'll snuggle.

Leon the snowman: Why the long face, Buddy?
Buddy: It seems I'm not an elf.
LTS: Of course you're not an elf. You're six-foot-three and had a beard since you were fifteen.

wake up, don't tell me it's just a dream...

Yesterday, for the first time in a very long time I pushed all my responsibilities aside and took a day for myself. I had a lot of things to catch up on and I used the day to get all of them done. At the end of the day, I was more content and calm than I can recall being all semester.

I woke up. I obviously took the opportunity to sleep in. Then I had a bowl of chocolate miniwheats (the best kind of miniwheats) and a banana. Then I sat in my room and made Christmas cards all day (well until about 3) and caught up on Modern Family. At 3 I baked, which I must admit was a little stressful because baking isn't really my thing and it requires patience and precision. But it was ok because I'm giving the cookies I made away in my little Christmas parcels to my friends this year. So it made me happy because of that.

Then I cleaned my Uggs which was long over due. Then I played the piano and busted out some xmas music (which I love playing). Then I went back to cards and Modern Family for the rest of the evening.

This day, when written out sounds boring beyond belief. But let me tell you by the time I lay in my bed and opened up my book (clockwork orange- really good, really recommend it), I was beaming. Awesome.

New at University Wave

So I was just taking a scroll down my page and it looks very blahh. From now on I have decided that with each post, I will be including a picture. Sometimes it will be related to the post, but in most cases it likely won't. Hopefully it will brighten people's days and my page.

1 down, 1 to go

Yesterday I handed in my last paper of the semester. Then I realized that I had just completed the women and gender studies portion of my degree. I am now a certified feminist. jokes. It was a little sad, mostly because in comparison to ggr, wgs hands out A's like candy (unless you are the love interest of JP Catungal that is...).

It was a weird feeling to realize that I am literally almost done this part of my life. This semester was one of the speediest of my life, and now my last year is half over. To think that I will not likely be studying wgs anymore is a little sad, because I found some topics that greatly interest me, and I met some interesting people. You just get used to having the same people in all of your classes all the time, and now I likely will never see any of them again.

I have certainly made a few acquaintances over the years who I sit with in class and do group work with if necessary, but nobody I'll be calling up. But that's ok, its just kind of weird to go from seeing those people almost every day, year in and out, then BAM, it all being over.

I guess next semester I'll have the same thing with those ggr-ers that I've classed along with year after year. Plus, I think that now that I look back upon my undergraduate career, I probably enjoyed geography slightly more than I did wgs. Either way you slice it though, at the end of the year I will have a hons ba and no job...sweet.

Big J: Always gotta be right...

A conversation that happened not to long ago that I really pissed off and quite hurt about.

Dad: When am I getting my guitar back? Will I even see it before Christmas?

Me: I will personally see to it that you have your guitar back before Christmas.

Dad: Yeah right. Ok whatever you say. (sarcasm)

Me: What's the issue?

Dad: You shouldn't have to be the one that has to go and get it.

Me: It doesn't matter. Why do you even care how you get your guitar? Its not like you are even going to play it anyway.

Dad: It doesn't matter whether or not I'm going to play it. It's a matter of principle. And manners. Obviously he has no manners.

Mom: Jim calm down, its okay, nobody must have taught him.

Dad: I don't care. This level of rudeness is unacceptable.

Me: (Still standing there with my jaw hanging open) What are you talking about?

Dad: You obviously have no judge of character. How could you even have picked someone like him?

Me: (Walking out of the room before I either break down or punch him in the face)

Dad: Why are you walking away? I'm still talking to you...

More procrastination

When my husband died, because he was so famous & known for not being a believer, many people would come up to me — it still sometimes happens — & ask me if Carl changed at the end & converted to a belief in an afterlife. They also frequently ask me if I think I will see him again.

Carl faced his death with unflagging courage & never sought refuge in illusions. The tragedy was that we knew we would never see each other again. I don’t ever expect to be reunited with Carl. But, the great thing is that when we were together, for nearly twenty years, we lived with a vivid appreciation of how brief & precious life is. We never trivialized the meaning of death by pretending it was anything other than a final parting. Every single moment that we were alive & we were together was miraculous — not miraculous in the sense of inexplicable or supernatural. We knew we were beneficiaries of chance… That pure chance could be so generous & so kind… That we could find each other, as Carl wrote so beautifully in Cosmos, you know, in the vastness of space & the immensity of time… That we could be together for twenty years. That is something which sustains me & it’s much more meaningful…

The way he treated me & the way I treated him, the way we took care of each other & our family, while he lived. That is so much more important than the idea I will see him someday. I don’t think I’ll ever see Carl again. But I saw him. We saw each other. We found each other in the cosmos, and that was wonderful.

— (Ann Druyan, talking about her husband, Carl Sagan)

Its like that time with the war pigeon...

This semester because of a last minute course cancellation I ended up having to sign up for a course called "Life Writing: Autobiography, biography, and narrative." Kill me now. That sounds like an english class, and I HATE english. But since it was offered by the wgs department I thought, how bad can it be? And I went on in there with a positive attitude. Guess what? The class was taught by someone from the department of English. Anyway, I'm totally digressing from the point of my post.

So, the class was really not that great, but I am currently working on the final paper. The topic that I am writing on is illness narrative, which as far as I'm concerned is the most interesting topic on the short list she gave us to choose from. For the paper, the prof has encouraged us to not only use scholarly sources, but also draw upon blogs and journals.

In the course of my travels I found a blog written by an 18 year old girl, living in the Netherlands, named Veerle Dee. She is currently undergoing treatment for T-cell Al Leukemia. I'm not sure how else to put it other than, she is amazing. She is real, and strong, and courageous beyond anything I have ever encountered in my life.

She makes me feel so hopeful about the world. If there are people that can live and understand the world like her, it can't be that bad of a place. There are truly good people, even though it often seems like the world is run by the worst of our kind. I wish more people were like her:

http://theageofmiracles.tumblr.com/

But I thought Christmas started December 1st?

My room is lacking this year on the Christmas front. Its December 4th and I still have yet to decorate my room. What the h- man. I usually have my room in full fledged decorative attire by December 1st. I need to get my head in the game pronto, because it doesn't really feel like Christmas right now.

Why?

I came across this picture while I was doing research for my essay on illness narrative. This is the saddest thing of life...

Colonialism at its finest

If you have are Canadian and have not been following this story, shame on you:
http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/story/2011/12/01/attawapiskat-thursday.html

If you're not Canadian, please check it out. This is the latest and greatest on the housing emergency in James Bay, covered by CBC. It's things like this that make me feel embarrassed to live in a country whose government could ignore something like this for so long. Also being from a country that is arguably a partial 'world leader', you would think that we hopefully have some form of leadership skill that involves any amount of scruples. I don't understand how some people would not be ok with less so people that have nothing could have more.

There are a lot of underlying things going on here, probably at the very root, perpetuated colonial practises that still exist today, but the very fact that something like this is even going on in our country makes me quite sad.